


Melting the Ice Around Your Heart

by WinterSky101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post Episode: s08e23 Sacrifice, Post Season/Series 08, now AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSky101/pseuds/WinterSky101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester doesn't do emotions. Until, suddenly, he does. It's all Cas's fault, really. That damn angel's worked his way into Dean's heart over the years, and now, no matter what, he won't leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Melting the Ice Around Your Heart

Dean Winchester doesn't do emotions.

Not that it's surprising or anything. He's John Winchester's son, after all, and he's got more than enough reason to be stoic. Basically everyone he's ever cared about has left him at some point. And so Dean wasn't all that old when he decided screw it, he just wouldn't care about people and that would solve the problem. Sam's the exception of course. No matter what he does, Dean still loves his little brother. Staying away from Sammy just doesn't work. It never has. But for everyone else, Dean keeps his emotional distance and it doesn't hurt quite so much when they inevitably leave him. Because they always do.

And then… And then Dean goes to Hell and gets pulled out by an angel, a freaking  _angel_ , that wears a trench coat and is the most socially awkward - person? being? creature? - that Dean has ever met and has permanent sex hair and a voice that's crazy deep and the bluest eyes to ever exist. And Dean does his best to keep his damn distance, but it doesn't work as well as it usually does. And of course, he's got all of Sam's crap to deal with. Maybe that's why he latches on to Castiel so much, because he needs someone dependable when his brother is off being demon-powered Superboy. He even gives the angel a nickname, Cas, and he's never realized it, but when he takes off the ending of Castiel's name, he takes off the part that means "of God" and leaves the rest for Dean himself to take. And maybe that should be a sign of what happens next, when Castiel rebels against Heaven so he can save Dean and try to stop the end of the world. Which they don't stop.

And then, suddenly Cas is dead and it  _hurts_ , so Dean knows he didn't do his damn job and stay detached. The death of the first person that Dean would call an actual friend in years hits him hard, harder than he would have liked.

But then it turns out Cas isn't all that dead after all, because apparently someone upstairs cares enough to bring him back after he explodes. And Dean's far too happy and relieved and it pisses him off, because he's supposed to be staying  _away_  from these sorts of attachments, goddamn it. But no matter now; Castiel is alive and that's what matters. And yeah, he's off on a quest to find God, but he's coming back when Dean needs him, so it's not really abandonment. Castiel hasn't left him so far, not permanently and not of his own volition.

And then Dean and Sam die (again) and go to Heaven and they get the news from Joshua. And Dean can see how much it utterly breaks Castiel, and it hurts him more than it should. This "trying to stay detached" thing seems like it might be a lost cause. Dean keeps it up anyway, just for a little longer. Then Dean kills the Whore and he knows why he was able to, even if Sam and Castiel are puzzled. (Cas gets hurt when he tries to hold the Whore in place for them and Dean's pretty sure there isn't a point in even  _trying_  to stay detached because he's way too worried about the angel when he sees him in that much pain.)

Dean decides to say yes to Michael, which actually seems to be a nice way to end this endless fight against evil, but Sam and Castiel don't let him. And then Sam and Dean's long-lost brother pops up and maybe Dean has a chance at keeping the kid from burrowing his way into Dean's heart. Cas is definitely a lost cause, though, and Dean's not sure he should even try. Instead, he manipulates Castiel, as much as it kills him to do it. He knows that, if the angel thinks he's hurt, he'll come running. And so Dean uses that against him and he sets up a trap. He gets an angel-banishing sigil ready and then tips over a table in a loud crash. Castiel goes to make sure he's alright and Dean sends him away, wherever the sigil takes him. Dean himself escapes the panic room. He doesn't get far before Castiel finds him again and beats the shit out of him, which really isn't any more than he deserves. Then Adam goes missing and they want to rescue him and Cas decides to take on  _five goddamn angels at one time_  with a dumbass plan that leads to him disappearing for weeks. And it hurts. There's no doubt about it now; Dean's gotten way too emotionally attached to Cas for his own good. Then he comes back as a human and Dean's had him back for a few stressful days when Sam says yes to the Devil, which screws everything up, especially considering their plan doesn't seem to work. Dean goes after Sam anyway, and Cas and Bobby follow him and Lucifer kills them both. And then Sammy jumps into Hell and Cas comes back and Dean's thinking that maybe he doesn't  _have_  to keep his emotional distance when it comes to Cas, since he never dies for that long, but then he disappears and poofs back up to Heaven.

And Dean goes back to Lisa and lives a normal life. And he hates it. Well, maybe  _hate_  isn't the word. He doesn't hate Lisa or Ben, but he hates sitting around and not doing anything. Especially when Sam is in Hell. In the  _Cage_ , no less.

Dean prays to Cas every night. He gets no response, but that doesn't stop him. He prays anyway and doesn't let the lack of answer discourage him. Lisa doesn't know. Dean's not actually sure what he'll do if Cas replies. Will he leave Lisa and Ben? He doesn't want to. But he doesn't want to stay and do nothing either. He has to do something  _active_. He has to  _fight_. It's the only thing he's good for, anyway. He's horrible at this civilian thing and he knows it.

And then the djinn comes for him and Sam saves him. Because he's alive. He's been alive for most of the year. And he doesn't know why. Dean's pissed. He's pissed at Sam, he's pissed at Bobby, he's pissed at Cas (who's been ignoring both his prayers and Sam's for the last year). But at least he's got both Sam and Cas back, even if neither of them seems the same as they were before the Apocalypse that didn't happen. Not that he expects them to be the same. Cas is fighting a civil war in Heaven and Sam was just in Lucifer's Cage. Still, there's something off about both of them. Sam especially. Dean doesn't know what it is, but he doesn't like it.

It turns out that Sam's acting strangely because his soul is missing. Which leaves Dean with a choice between leaving the soul in Hell but keeping the soulless doppelgänger of Sam sane, or putting Sam's soul back in his body but risking his possible insanity. Dean chooses to get the soul back, of course. How could he not? He can't leave his brother's soul in the Cage. Even if it means insanity, that's better than an eternity with Lucifer and Michael. And so Dean accepts Death's deal and even though he doesn't fully keep up his end, Sam's soul is put back in anyway, with a wall to keep the memories of Hell hidden. Which leads to the return of business as normal, or as normal as it gets. If it seems like the case might be related to the Heavenly weapons that Balthazar stole, or it's just too much for Sam and Dean to handle, they call in Cas. But they don't really have all that much going on, all things considered. Crowley is dead and there isn't anything big going on. Until there is. Eve's arrival on Earth screws everything up. Rufus dies and even though Dean didn't know him well, he mourns him with Bobby.

And then they go up against Eve and surprise! Crowley's actually alive. Bobby and Sam suspect that Castiel has known all along and has been working with him or something, but Dean refuses to even entertain that possibility. This is  _Cas_  they're talking about, not some random monster. He wouldn't do that.

Except it turns out he would and the next couple of days pass by really fast, but one second Cas is an angel, then he's declared himself a god, then he's Cas again, and then he's possessed by Leviathan. And then he's dead. And this time, it doesn't look like he's coming back.

The next year or so? Possibly one of the most difficult times Dean's ever been through. He wishes at every moment that Cas will come back. And then, when he finally does, he's lost his memory and is going by the name Emmanuel. And he's freaking married. He's got this whole new life that Dean doesn't want to tear him out of. But he does, of course, and Cas helps him save Sam from staying crazy by going crazy himself and going into a coma. A few weeks later, he wakes up and he's so completely broken that Dean's heart hurts. And then Dean and Cas are thrown into Purgatory together, and Castiel goes and freaking abandons him five seconds in. It takes Dean the better part of a year to find him, and when he does, he then promptly loses him again when he escapes Purgatory. It takes a few weeks, but Cas finds his way back to Dean, like he always seems to. They're together again, and maybe Cas is acting a little weird (okay, a lot weird), but he's still Cas. Then he disappears for weeks on end after killing one of his non-dick brothers, which is kinda worrying. When he shows up again, he's acting even stranger than before and tops it all off by trying to freaking kill Dean. He stops just in time and, big surprise, runs off again, this time toting the angel tablet along with him. Dean kinda hates Castiel for being able to fly away so easily.

When Dean next sees him, he's lying in the middle of the road, beat up and with a gunshot wound in his stomach. Even though Dean's still pissed at him, he brings him back to the bunker and patches him up. He's a little harsh with him- Okay, maybe a lot harsh, but the freaking angel deserves it. He can't just fly off whenever he wants. And he's gone and lost the angel tablet too. Crowley has his hands on it, and that can't mean anything good. But Dean must be too hard on Cas, because he disappears again. He's gone for a while before he pops back up, saying Metatron's been taken by Naomi and Cas needs their help to find out what the last trial to close the gates of Heaven is. Then there's a lot of shit, some of which Dean isn't sure he understands, but the way it ends up, Naomi's actually the good guy and Metatron's the villain. Or so Naomi claims. Dean's kinda inclined to believe her, but he's not so sure about Cas. Dean runs off to help Sam, leaving Cas on his own.

And now Dean's looking up at the sky, watching comets fall to earth. Each comet, he knows, is an angel. He calls for Castiel to explain what the hell happened, but Cas doesn't answer. Dean waits until the shower of comets is over to slowly stand, helping Sam up as well.

"What do we do?" Sam asks in a hoarse voice.

Dean shakes his head. "I… I don't know."

Sam sighs. "What about Crowley? He's mostly human in there. The demons will tear him apart if we leave him behind."

"And?" Dean asks indifferently.

Sam glares at him. "He's human now, Dean."

"Mostly human," Dean corrects. "And he's still a little shit. Have you forgotten everything he's done to us? And you want to help him now?"

Sam sighs. "Fine. But at least let me go in and undo the chains. We should give him at least a bit of a chance."

"You're ridiculous," Dean mutters, but he doesn't stop Sam as he stumbles over to the church. A minute later, Sam and Crowley exit together. Sam's looking a lot better, weirdly enough. He shakes Crowley's hand before the demon disappears.

"You look better," Dean remarks as Sam comes back over to the Impala.

Sam nods. "Crowley did something to help. He said we're not allowed to tell anyone. I wonder what he'll do now?"

"I really couldn't care less," Dean replies. "Get in the car, Sammy. I'll put all our stuff in the back." Sam gets into the passenger seat while Dean fills the trunk. He's about to get in the car when he notices movement at the tree line. "I'll be right back, Sammy," he says distractedly, going towards the trees. Right before he reaches them, a figure stumbles out. A highly familiar figure, wearing a dirty trench coat. Castiel.

Dean goes with his first instinct when he sees the angel. He punches him hard in the face. Castiel's head whips sideways with the blow. Dean hits him again, this time in the gut. Cas doubles over, but straightens quickly. Dean takes the opportunity to punch him in the face again.

"Damn it, Cas!" he yells. "You should have just listened to me. Don't you see what you did? Naomi told us Metatron was bad news. Why the hell didn't you listen?" Castiel remains silent. Dean punches him again, a hard right hook to the chin. Cas lets out a muffled gasp of pain at that, which can't be right. Dean decides he misheard and punches Castiel again. He can't believe the angel was this  _stupid_! He draws his fist back to punch Cas yet again when he realizes that red marks are forming where he hit, and they look like they're going to become bruises pretty soon. Dean's heart catches in his throat as he realizes what that means, what this all means.

"Oh no, Cas," he whispers. Castiel looks shocked by his sudden change in demeanor. "Not you too."

"I don't…" Castiel's words break off into coughing. His voice is even more hoarse than normal. "I'm not sure what you mean. Why did you stop hitting me?"

"What do you mean, why did I stop?" Dean demands. "I shouldn't have hit you in the first place!"

"You have every reason to strike me," Castiel counters. "Look what I've done." He coughs harshly again. Dean can't bring himself to be mad. Castiel looks too pitiful like this.

"Are you human?" he asks softly. Cas looks down. "Cas, tell me," Dean urges. Slowly, Castiel nods once. "Shit," Dean mutters to no one in particular.

"I'm sorry," Castiel whispers. "I got to Heaven so I could see if Naomi spoke the truth and she was dead and Metatron attacked me and…" Castiel's rambling gets cut off by an abrupt sob. Dean wants to comfort him, but he doesn't quite know how. "Metatron pinned me down and slit my throat to steal my Grace," Castiel whispers, his voice shaking. "He healed me before he sent me hurtling towards Earth. My Grace was the final ingredient he needed. I let him do this, I…" Castiel fights back another sob. Dean tries a comforting hand on his shoulder, but Cas flinches back so violently that Dean removes his hand. "This is my fault."

"You were trying to do the right thing," Dean replies softly.

"I always am. Isn't that what you said?" Castiel counters.

Dean  _hates_  having his own words thrown back at him.

"Look, you screwed up," Dean admits. "We've all been there. It's okay." Castiel nods, tears filling in his eyes. "Come here," Dean adds, holding Castiel's head against his shoulder. The fallen angel's entire body trembles as he cries. Dean rubs his back comfortingly (and slightly awkwardly, but what do you expect? He's Dean Winchester, for crying out loud). It takes a few minutes for Cas to calm down, but when he does, Dean's ready.

"Come on. Into the car with you.' Cas gives Dean a surprised look as he wipes the remains of his tears away. "Come on!" Dean grabs Castiel and drags him to the car. Cas only resists a bit before allowing Dean to drag him wherever he wishes to take him. Dean carefully loads the fallen angel in the backseat. Then he climbs in the driver's seat, checks that Sam and Cas are okay, and starts to drive.

It's time for Dean and his family to go home.

**Author's Note:**

> My writing tumblr is [here](http://winterskywrites.tumblr.com/), if you're interested.


End file.
